Twinkles

What is one of the worst diet wreckers? Office take out.  Had the big guns in the office today so they ordered in for lunch and they always order 1) Too much food & 2) extra plates of dessert. So there are fresh yummy muffins sitting in the breakroom calling my name but I must resist. I have already brought my sweet (a 60 calorie sugar free pudding cup) and it tatses delicious.

Actually (surprisingly) I am not that tempted to grap one. I am not quite sure it is my guilt or mind but whichever one that is stopping me is my new best friend.

Has anyone read the new report about obesity in America. It has gone up again. Sadly it is everywhere. Even on the door of my daughter’s daycare there is a sign promoting exercize classes for children. It really inspires me to keep loosing so that I can beat the statistic. I think the saddest part it is that it has really effected the children.  It fustrates me to see overweight children because I know how difficult it can be.

I hope and pray that more people start caring about their health and their children’s health.

Kind of an odd rant day. Have a good one!!

Okay, After a pitiful two weeks, I am back on track. I let so much get to me that I lost focus on everything. So I feel way better today.

I went to the gym and caught up with my cousins. One of them really knows his stuff. We worked out our biceps. It took an hour to do all the weights and it was only our biceps. He explained the best way to build muscle for each area and how I should focus on reps not weight. He showed me proper technique. I was amazed. He says he picked it up from working with professional lifters and reading. I told him he should be a trainer but he has to have the schooling. I was impressed and excited. I dont feel like a dork when there are other people working out with. I start yoga today and he wants me to show him the stretches. I just never seen such a passion from him. I am just impressed. So I feel even better about the gym and all of its glory.

Scale has read 185 for a week and a half so at least my two bad weeks have left my weight the same. Glad to be back on track with sore arms….

It is seriously the TOM. I could kill!!! I think I need to chill but that is hard seeing as school started to day and every dumb teenager with a car is out on my lunch hour trying to cause as many wrecks as possible. Who the hell buys their teenage kid 1) big ass truck 2) a corvette or 3) any vehicle worth more than 5k. Man if thoughts could kill.

Breathe. I am fustrated with weight. the scale says I weigh 5 more pounds than yesterday. No way I gained 5lbs in one day but I think it is water weight because I drank almost a gallon of water yesterday. Got to get back to working out 5 times a week. I might start running in the mornings to help that. Just stressful and I stress ate all day yesterday. I won’t do that anymore. I had thoughts about quitting but that quickly went away. I would never forgive myself if I quite after 27 lbs already gone. Just had a weak moment but I cant quit, I am not a quitter. So today will be better after a nice workout and hot bath. Thanks for listening everyone.

Well I haven’t posted in a while but drama was the word of the week. After a crazy, high velocity weekend with no time for working out (oh I was mad) my dear BF calls me on the verge of quitting his job. He was on the brink of tears from fustrastion. Apparently he is the but of all the crap and his boss called him a son of a b****. Lovely, so he claimed he had to go pick up my daughter from school and he went looking for other jobs. He filled out an application on monday, got hired tuesday, goes today to do his physical and starts next week. The new job is 3 dollars an hour more than what he was making with better hours so I think it will all work out.

The second part of the drama is his parents. He tells them he wants to go back to school and his dad tells him it is pointless unless he goes full time. He also says he is going back on his word of helping him to pay because he moved out of the house to live with me. Supposevly they bought him his car so he wouldn’t. So if he lives with them again they will help him out. This is what is killing me. Am I so horrible? If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t even know how to begin to go back to school.  I was the only one who would help him when his car was broken. I am there when his parents pull their sh*t. I would go to the ends of the earth if he needed me to but I am so terrible that I am unworthy of respect. I dont ever care to see his parents again. They are two faced. So nice to my face and then talk all this crap about how horrible I am because I had a baby at 18. A baby I take care of and pay for without help from her biological father by my choice. My daughter has always had what she needs, I pay for everything, and my BF offered his help, I never asked.  But I am so tainted.  This is why I beleive in Eloping.

I was never good enough for my own father so why should his parents be any different. I work full time with great benefits, I attend college on a full time schedule, and I have a great family and my daughter is a happy well behaved kid. I made deans list but since it is community college it is trivial, I love my job but since i am only an admin assistant it is pointless. I didn’t get the abortion or adoption everyone told me to do so here comes young mother stigma. All this crap this week has brought out the feelings of me never being good enough for anything.

So I will shut up, thanks for letting me rant. I cant stand talking to anyone else right now.

P.S. Marc (bf) siad he would never consider leaving me to go back to his family. He is happy with us and loves us and we will work through any problems like we always have and will. AWWWW!!

Having a cute doctor!!!! I went to see my new doctor about my abdominal pain and boy he was a cutie. He was young, tall, lean, with brown wavy hair and green eyes. The best part, he was kind and genuine. He was very caring. Such a difference it makes to be comfortable around doctors. I wont mind being sick in future.

Well on the medical side of it all, I have to have an ultrasound on monday to check out my gall bladder and my abdominal aorta. Yesterday the doctor said “I have never felt this before” while pressing on my stomach. Great, that is every patients nightmare but oddly enough I have been many doctors first. Turns out I have a strong abdominal aortic pulse and Doc said he only feels it like this is really skinny girls and I definitely do not fall in that category. So he wants to check it out. Lovely!! NOt to worry at least yet…..

Another goofy story, I told my loving boyfriend I have to have a sonagram(ultrasound) on monday and he goes pale “YOur pregnant??” What, no silly. You Dont have to be pregnant to have a sonagram.

One last point, the scale read 185!! Another one bites the dust!

Everyone have a brilliant day!

After yesterday’s negative nelly rant, today we shall focus on the good. I lost yet another pound down to 186! 16 pounds away from my mini goal of pre-baby weight. We are having a big company meeting in October so I hope to have reached it by then to show off a new body in a new outfit (it is a formal event).  I can see differences in my body like my less pouchy stomach and those shrinking saddlebags and to my BF’s dissapointment a shrinking chest too.

I think the coolest thing that has happened this last week is my lack of concern of food. Twice this week I forgot to eat my afternoon snack because 1. I wasn’t hungry and 2. I forgot about food. It has also expanded into the evenings were after dinner, I just dont think about food like I used to. It doesn’t consume my everythought. I dont eat and I dont worry about how many calories I have left for the or how many calories this snack will be.  I think I have found that balance which is an awesomely cool feeling.  For once, I am controlling food instead of food controlling me. YEAH I do have willpower.

I am off to see the doctor today about my stomach pain, it has subdued but I am taking no chances and at least now I have a general doctor which I haven’t seen since my daughter was 6 months old.  Marge was wanting to know the 4 F’s so here they are”

I am fair skinned, I am 21, I am female, and I am fluffy

I hope all is well in the land of buddyslim. With Much love From Mary~~~

Someone threw a money wrench in my plans. I am not quite sure of the exact wording.  So last night I finish working out and go home. I took a shower and ate a WW fudge bar. Then it starts, the pain. I started having a stabbing pain right at my stomach. Oh Crap I have had this before. I try to sleep hoping it will go away but lo and behold it still have the pain and it is starting  in the center of my back as well. Crap I hope the doctors can figure it out this time.

Right after I had my daughter, I had some painful attacks. I am talking painful like labor pains. I had a sonogram, and upper GI, and some weird radioactive test. All inconclusive. I was treated for gall stones, ulcers, IBS, and put on pain killers. Nothing worked. I had gall sludge but no stones so without stones the surgeon wouldn’t operate unless I had another attack. And guess what, it stopped out of the blue. I have had maybe 2 minor attacks since( in 3 years). But now this contanst pain is reminiscent of that. So now I have a Drs appointment tomorrow and who knows what will happen.

I would bet money it is gallstones but even then that requires surgery to remove it. I read it is common to have gallstones when overweight and when loosing weight. I would just like an answer. Sorry to rant, it is like a little rain cloud worrying about it. I just don’t want to deal with that pain again. At least I have plenty of sick time so that is good. HOpe all is well with everyone else…

Boy what a weekend. I was out and about and killing my diet. Steakhouse thursday-work Mexican food friday-Work Mexican again saturay- BF Steak house sunday-BF. Ahhhh!!! No eating out this week and if I have to SALAD!!

But that is not what I noted in the title. I am a people watcher. I can sit for hours and just look at people go by. Well the gym is a great place to watch people but I never could have imagined this couple that came in friday night. First they walk in as if coming from the club. Makeup, big hair, high heels, and way too small of clothes ( she isn’t a small lady by any means) Well they change clothes and she comes out with her hair in place, a purple tank top with matching purple socks. Her hubby has a purple shirt with matching purple socks. Now I am not trying to be judgemental but this is a gym not some weird disco but I digress. Well the lady takes a treadmill about ten feet away from me and starts walking. The whole ten minutes she is on it she fidgets with her hair and changes the channel on the TV. She just really annoyed me and I don’t know why.  Her hubby comes over they talk for a sec and then they look at me. Turns out I was on his elliptical and he wanted to workout. SO the second I finish he comes and rushes me out of the way. Fine I wont clean it!! You look light Barney the Dinosaur anyways.

Second observation happened this morning. As I was leaving home, I noticed this man walking. He is doing a good pace for his age and he has all his gear on. When I looked closer this man has a cigar in his hand while walking. I thought that was odd.

So there you go, you don’t have to travel far to find an interesting world.

So after worrying about the scale not moving, it decided to start. I was 188 yesterday and today down to 187. The gym scale said 183 last night and I didn’t think I had lost 5lbs in one day but still……..

I did a no no yesterday. I was out of the office for a business trip 3 1/2 hours away and we didn’t get lunch until late 3:30 pm. I was starved and we decide to go to a steak house (yummy). It was the best steak I had ever had with a baked potato and wilde rice. Then topped off with peach cobbler al a mode. I ate all of the steak, potatoes, and rice but only a little bit of the cobbler (I had some self control).  But it filled me up that I wasn’t hungry the rest of the day at all. So I had only one big meal yesterday, not good I know but at least I didn’t eat when I wasn’t hungry. I got to the gym and worked out on the elliptical for an hour with resistance.

I am so happy I have a green star under my weight tracker. Next stop Mini Goal.

Food, I wish it was easy. I am trying to stay as close to 1200 calories a day as I can but I have been slipping since I joined the gym. I don’t ever go over 1500 but still I dont want to eat that many. SO I vow to get back on schedule with my calories.

Another thing is that the scale at home is still at 190. I has been that way for 1 1/2 weeks. THe gym scale reads between 188-189.  I have been serious with exercizing and have increased duration and intensity and added weights. I think the weights are throwing off my weight. Muscle weighs more than fat but it is evil to trick the scale. Although I have lost inches from my body (silver lining)

On the upside, I ran into my cousins at the gym and they want me to lift weights with them tomorrow so it is like have free trainers. They are going to show me proper techniques and how some of the machines work.  But tonight I am going to rest. My body aches and I am very sleepy, maybe a quick walk around the neighborhood or swim in the pool at the apartment. My BF wants me to try dance dance revolution. I have read several stories of people loosing weight on that but I am worried about stomping around in an upstairs apartment. My bottom neighbors are near deaf though so maybe it wont bother them.

I walked around the mall today to but some clothes, I fit into a large shirt, down from XL and fit into a size 14. I tried on two different styles from two different stores to make sure it wasn’t a fluke. Ta Da, they both fit. I have even cut up my Lane Bryant CC’s so that I will never have the tempation to shop there again. After some fine tuning, I think I might have this weight loss thing down. sorry to go on and on, I am a little fatigued.

Everyone stay cool,

Mary